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Well, then, I guess you're s.o.l.
It's not really weird. You're just in an odd situation. When I was going to buy a mountain bike, I spent 4 months talking to bike couriers, and asking people on the bike trails what they thought of their bikes (I lived in Calgary,AB CA at the time.). I also talked to dozens and dozens of people, including the tattooists, about who did the best work in town.
If you want to learn something then you have to ask. If you aren't willing to ask, then you are doomed to failure.
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Setup: PMI Piranha GTI, 9oz Co2 Tank, PMI X_RAY goggles, 200rnd PMI loader, PMI Twin pouch harness, two 100rnd PMI pods and a Swyper flexible squeegee.

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