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Old March 27th, 2005, 03:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Why try...?

Alright so a lot of you know me and my gf broke up over 2 months ago. I took it really hard at first but it slowly got a little bit better. I started having feelings for another girl, but we're like best friends and she dosen't feel the same towards me and she's moving in the summer anyways.

But my exgirlfriend, theres so many things about her thats just amazing... For the past few days she's been hella flirting with me and saying like very sexual things and stuff like that. I played back and we were like really good friends again. I thought maybe this is a sign ya know. So earlier tonight I told her that I miss her really bad, blah blah blah, etc.

She basically just said I'm sorry, but just wait until next year, you'll find someone.

That hurt pretty bad, because I still really love her, even though I haven't seen her or heard her voice in over 2 months...

Why do girls ****ing do this? It pisses me off. And even worse, it hurts me pretty bad inside. I mean you should have seen some of the things she was saying to me. I know everyone is saying theres other fish in the sea, but she's been the only fish that made me so incredibly happy and made me think everything was going to be alright, that my life wasn't such a ****hole that it seemed it was.

I remember when she broke up with me, I couldn't go to school because I couldn't stop crying. Then I thought what is wrong with me? I'm such an emo little *****, why the **** am I doing this? But I couldn't help it.

If you're still reading this, my life has just crashed over the past 2-3 years, and she was the best thing that ever happened to me... and everything happened so fast, and I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know I will never be able to love someone as much as I did with her. I know that seems crazy, but it's so ****ing true.

She liked the same music I did, loved sport bikes, supported me in paintball and even watched us play a lot. If I said make me a sammich, she would say what kind. She did put out.. thats always good. But what kills the most is that we always got along so good and always had so much fun. I loved to spend every minute with her.... whether it was baking a cake, or going to a movie with her mom, or holding her while she cried on me because something happened.

The other girl I liked is amazing to, but not nearly as amazing as she was... Besides we're like best friends and I don't think it could ever work.

I'm sick of school to. I try so ****ing hard, and yet I got a 1.8 GPA and 2 D's. What the hell ya know... I honestly tried this time and nothing happened, so why even put fourth an effort if I get screwed anyways? I hate school... I hate the building, the teachers, the lockers, the peers, everything.

I'm sick of my family also. All my parents do is fight and talk **** to each other to me. All I hear is "Your mother this" or "Your father that". My sister moved out just because of this ****, so I'm alone. I see her maybe once every week or two. We have very little money to. People think I'm spoiled but they don't know I work hard to buy all my stuff and that I get really good deals.

I'm sick of my friend's stabbing me in the back. I've got like a few friends who never do it and stick with me no matter what, but a lot of my friends always lie to me or stab me in the back. I'm sick of it!!!

I'm just sick of life period. I'm not goign to end up anywhere in life, I don't even know why I'm still trying and going. All my dreams have been shattered basically because it's something I'm not good at or my parents won't let me get into.

I've been thinking about just killing myself, but I'd rather die for a good cause, something memorable, not something stupid. I've also just been thinking about running away and trying to start a new fresh life. I just can't take anymore of this **** anymore.

If you actually took the time to read my whiney ass complain, then thank you, I really appreciate it.

If you don't see me post here anymore, then you will know why.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 03:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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NOOOOOOOO, dude it's okay.**** happens dude, it's aright. I don;t think it's ever been that bad for me, but dude, you know when you back out on something when it's going bad, and then after you leave it gets better, you want to regret it like that?
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Old March 27th, 2005, 04:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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xball. life can suck sometimes. i thnk everyone at one point or another has just said to themselves "id rather be dead than to go through this ****." just not worth it man. if you are going to do something so extreme, than sleep on it. 99.9% of the time you will wake up with more sense and know that you have too much to live for. Think about your friends, family, paintball, everything. I know it sucks when people play with your emotions and stuff, but think about your life and how lucky you are to even live in the US. you could be in some starving country not knowing if you will live another day. Its not fair to them, theyd probably switch lives with you in a heartbeat man. Just do other stuff, keep your mind off things. Play some paintball, hang out with friends, and forget about the girl, there will be others. Just dont do something you are gonna regret. Once you do it, it's done. You dont come back in a year when everything is better again. No one can really tell you what to do and what not to do, but hopefully we can influence your decision. Hope you make the right choice and i hope to see you around the forums for a long while. And remember, if you even need to talk or just vent, people are here to support you and listen.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 05:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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forget her, the girl isnt worth it, shes just an accesory to your life.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 09:36 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Okay, cynical, shut the **** up about the girl. You really dont know what its like, do you? Its really hard to try and let go of someone you have strong feelings for...that **** is so hard...I know what its like Xball (Formerly 1337 lol), I have kinda been through the same ****. Its tough. Especially when your friends are like "shes not worth it, give it up" but when she makes you feel that there is no universe around you. I know what thats like, then when you break up, you just wanna jump off a cliff.
Just kinda play it out....try kinda not to hang out with her, and if you do, dont indicate that you wanna get back together with her. Maybe if you play it out enough, one night when your alone, she might feel that maybe you two were meant to be, and lunge at you, and start passionately making out. Never know...**** happens...you will get through it.
If it makes you feel any better, I am here, I guess. I am like all my friends therapist in school, its weird. Mostly my female friends come to me for help, emotional help. So if you need anything I am here....? <---Now that sounds weird...

NOBODY TALK ABOUT THE GIRL AND HOW MUCH OF A WHORE OR SLUT OR HOW SHES "NOT GOOD FOR HIM" ****, THATS JUST ANNOYING!!!!

Good luck, hope everything works out...
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Old March 27th, 2005, 09:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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NOOOO Nick don't leave You're the coolest cat around

Don't result into something stupid like suicide either, first you will regret it because some arabian girl in my class always rants about going to hell if you kill yourself, and it would be like fullfilling an emo kids dream. Don't do it!

Maybe you can live with your sisters on like weekends? And she can help with homework or something, that's always an idea. Schoolwork may seem super ghey but in the end you will need a good job to support yourself with a hobby like paintball.

Also, in my art/tech class (go figure) we read a book on life or something and it said not to base your life on one thing like hobby's or a girlfriend. Now I think you based your life around your girlfriend and you miss her so much because you always put her first. Or maybe im wrong and she just was amazing.

Well I hope things get better soon
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Old March 27th, 2005, 10:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Well I had a relationship with a girl all through HS, but the during my senior year it ended and I know I took it really bad, I think most people will go through this at least once in life. To be honest about a month after we broke up I started drinking and one night put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. The weird part was the gun wouldn't fire, I remember I kept trying but nada, it was really suprising since the gun has always been so reliable too. Honestly it took a real long time to get over her, not to sound like some emotion b**** but I would say it took almost a full year to do that, as people do say time will heal all wounds, although right now in your position that is hard to see. Eventually it will start hurting less, you will stop thinking about her as much until you get to the point where you want another person to try to have a meaningful relationship, Just understand most people have gone through this, and your situation isn't unique, it is part of the crappier part of life, but like most things eventually this part will pass as well.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 10:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
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seriously dude, your life is like a mirror image of mine... all the same ****, cept there was a point where i almost did myself in for good... i stopped myself, because i knew, i just had a feeling that something was still there that could help me, and make me feel good again... and sure enough, a little later, my 2nd girlfriend came along, and i love her so much... she's gone for a week during spring break, and it's driving me nuts, and she's only been gone 2 days!, dont hurt yourself man, things'll work out okay, i know how that kinda **** feels, even school, i try, and i'm doing worse than you... it ****in sucks, but you know what, life goes on, things'll happen, and things'll get better.. it just takes some time...
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Old March 27th, 2005, 10:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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To sound corny, ill say this. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

As for the girl situation, cant help ya there. Girls always **** with our minds and thats never gonna change.

The family thing sucks, but also that can change. If it is really bad, consider moving out with your sister. Is that a possibility? It sounds like you and her and kinda close and if things are bad you can tell your parents to **** off(maybe not those words) and tell them that they are depressing you. See if they get the picture. Cuz obviously they are being pretty damn ****ing selfish.

Grades are grades. Tutoring and help is available. High school classes are seriously not that hard, and while not everyone(including myself) is gonna get a 3.0 or higher, you can do better than that.

I like you and ive gotten to know some about here while youve been at pbf. Youre a good kid and will end up somewhere maybe not based on your grades, but on your personality or other traits.

You definitely have some issues in your life, but im going to be honest with you. Your problems are not that bad. Yea you do have some serious troubles bothering you, but your situation is certainly better than literally billions of other people's. Sack up man, and fight through it. Could it be a short fight? No. Easy? Hell no, you know this.

Suicide is the easy way out. If that is something you are contemplating, get it the **** out of your mind.

And talk to me on aim.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 11:08 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Suicide? WTF man, its definetly not worth it. No matter how rough you might think your life is, someone has it harder somewhere else. What about the people that love their school, peers, teachers lockers, and then it all goes away? What about the kids in africa who are literally starving to death, then some military coup comes around adn kills their family in front of them?

I know it may seem like the end of the world, but it really isn't. I've known you on the internet, adn you look like a good person. Not the kind of kid who will take being dumped too hard adn go all emo. I'm not saying your emo.. EVeryone goes through really rough times.

So what if you get bad grades. ITs not entirely your fault. I can't seem to keep up with **** myself either. I really dont want to have to take french again next year.

Listen to Dhill, and I strongly suggest taking up his offer of talking on AIM.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 11:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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don't do somethin stupid man.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 11:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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get a vice man. Not a stupid vice though. Alcohol and drugs are NOT your friend. Are you creative? Can you write, draw, paint, make music? Do you bike or anything? Next time your parents are fighting, just leave. **** em. I always just left, I'd go back into the woods for really long walks until I had the **** sorted out. If youve got a bike, take long rides out of the city

Thats the key, get away from it. But with drugs or alcohol isnt the answer, trust me. That didnt help me at all. I thought it did. No, ****ed me up more.

And the girl thing. Man, chicks at this age are cunts. If she's gonna be a douche to you, then **** her. You dont need that.

As for school. I ****ing hate it to. It represents everything I'm against. Sometimes I come home just so mad from it all. But then I get out some paper and write it all out. Or put on my shoes and leave.

But youve gotta get through school. Just gotta cowboy it through. **** the teachers, dont let em beat you down.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 12:03 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Smalls has got it right. Find something to do to take your mind off of things. Ever try martial arts? A good style, that is. Find a dojo that will let you fight with someone for real, sort of like Fight Club. You'll forget everything and feel great.

Don't you have a sports bike, or are you too young still? Take it out for a ride whenever you feel this way. Don't be stupid with it, but open it up on a few back roads. I do that with my car sometimes, just go cruising.

Just try to find something to take up time with.

-Jin
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Old March 27th, 2005, 12:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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In highschool dont try and get a girl serisly things will just occur on there own.
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So I did what I suggested you do. Flip the bird on your way out the door.
It made me sick to realize I was surrounded by complete weakness. F-em, live weak die weak.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 12:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
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thats sucks bro, but let it control your life. and dont think your life is all horrible, trust me, there are people that have much worse issues. a heart break is painful, i agree, but dont let it ruin your life. youll grow older and realize, that theres so much more to life than a girl you once had feelings for. theres soooooo much to look forward to, just stick it out and stuff will get better. you gotta be strong and move forward, nobody ever got through life having every thing get in there way. just accept the pain and go on, youll be glad you did, dont do anything stupid!
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Old March 27th, 2005, 12:46 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Remember that someone is always worse off then you and are happy they have as much as they do.
"I know it seem hard sometimes but Remember one thing,
Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that
So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out
Keep your head up, and handle it" - Tupac Shakur
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:19 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Thanks to everyone who has cared, I really appreciate it.

But my lifes been depressing since third grade... thats when everything first started. Dad got laid off his first job, lots of family members died, sister was going through soem rough times, and then my mom had a mental breakdown. She wouldn't eat, or sleep, or even leave the house. My dad was never home because he had to work so much and my sister was never around either. I had no friends in third grade except for like 3 or 4, and I got nothing for Christmas that year either. Well since I was little, that kind of stuff really killed me on the inside. Around the middle of 4th grade, my mom got better, dad got a decent job, and things got a little bit better.

By 6th grade, my life was awesome again. Started Juniour high when I went into 7th, got good grades, met lots of girls, lots of new friends, etc. My dad lost his job in the beginning of 2003. Everything then just fell apart. I remember selling my angel to pay for our house payment, and stealing money to buy a matrix. Yes I stole money and I've been so ashamed of it ever since then, but I thought it wasn't fair for my father to take my paintball gun which I worked so hard for, and sell it. I saved up about 325, then stole 400 from my school. I just swiped all the cash from the lunch regestir.

Anyways... what really helps me is riding sport bikes or dirtbikes. I talked to my parents about all this and told them it really helps me let loose and kinda clear my mind. And it's the funnest thing to do and it's my dream to get into this stuff heavily. They got really pissed and they won't even let me buy a goddamn XR100. I would have quit paintball just to have a dirtbike.

I like riding my pocket bike that helps a lot, but the police passed a new law and their illegal. I didn't know that and someone called the cops on me and the cop was very rude to me about it. Well I wasn't going to take that so I was rude back to him. That led to a huge mess and my parents got very pissed off.

I can only paintball once every other week, and my parents never drive me anywhere to play and I feel bad for always bumming rides off my friends and making their parents drive us. I know they've got better things to do than drive a bunch of kids to a paintball field.

Last year I tried killing myself, and realized it's not worth it. I guess it's still not worth it. I'm not into drugs and not heavily into Alchohol either.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:27 PM   #18 (permalink)
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dude you realize your still in higschool? there are 60+ YEARS of your life left... it'll get better
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:36 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Before I saw that it was you 1337, I thought, "Oh great, another gf/bf" thread.

Once I saw it was you, and read suicide, I said "Oh ****." You have no idea who the **** I am, but I looked up to you when I used to come here. I would always read your threads about you and your girlfriend, and how you were so happy together.

Don't worry about it. Life blows, just more-so for you I geuss .

Good luck, and I hope you get better,

Dan.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:38 PM   #20 (permalink)
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After highschool, when YOU are in control of your life, everythign will be better.

For now, I'd advise moving on, stop stelaing money, and maybe concentrate more on dirtbiking. Maybe you can't buy a bike, but find someone who has one, and ask if you could maybe take it out.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:38 PM   #21 (permalink)
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3 or 4 friends.. sorry to be a dick man.. but ****.. i had like 1 or zero friends for a while. But now i have a bunch of friends a know a lot of people.. it gets better

and only paintballing once every two weeks. last time i played was 3 weeks and before that was 4 months and then a month after that.

basically what im saying is put it in perspective and its not all bad and it certainly could be WAY worse. youre parents may fight, but at least they are still alive or still let you live there... I know a couple kids that were kicked out and thier parents basically disowned them.. the one became an acid junkie, then an ehead.. and was homeless for a bout half a year.. but now he has a g/f and is living with her.. so there is hope
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:39 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I only ball once a month.. I can't afford to go anymore.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 02:46 PM   #23 (permalink)
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It's not worth it bro. If your ex is playing with you like that I don't exactly see how you're so attacted to her even though I know you really liked her. High school and life can suck but I can almost promise that it gets better.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 03:05 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Why try? WEll simply put, you'd be taking the pussy emo way out.

I live by a few cliche rules.. HEres two of my favorite:

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

Whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.

Granted these dont work in a few situations, they do for yours. Tough it out soldier, and I'm sure when you come out on top (not if), your going to look back and this experience and all the thigns your experieencing are going to help you later on.

I used to be dirt poor. Now I'm kinda wealthy (not middle class, not rich), but the experiences I had when money was very much an issue helped me from becomming a spoiled richboy.

Thigns will change. If you go the suicide route, your just being a pansy. Tough it out. I KNOW you can hack it.
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Old March 27th, 2005, 03:27 PM   #25 (permalink)
 
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Yeah dude. high school sucks. It seems like everybody has the same types of problems there. Girls toy with us, it's hard to motivate yourself... and a lot of the time it seems futile. That's just when you gotta cowboy up and realize that... girls suck, college owns high school (even if you have to go to a CC like I did), and life happens. Life has been pretty ****ty for me too as of late, but I figure if I can get through my ****, youc an get through yours.

As for the family thing... that sucks, and it's tough... but there's always a way to survive. Smalls was right, find a way to spend you're time in a positive way... It's a good filler. Good luck bro.
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