Anti-Joke Thread - Paintball Forum - Paintball guns and gear forums

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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Anti-Joke Thread

Post all your jokes that are not very funny but just kinda dumb. Such as:

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Damn

or

Why did Johnny fall off the swing?
He had no arms.

Who pushed Sally off the swing?
Not Johnny.


Have fun
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sh00t em Up
Post all your jokes that are not very funny but just kinda dumb. Such as:

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Damn

or

Why did Johnny fall off the swing?
He had no arms.

Who pushed Sally off the swing?
Not Johnny.


Have fun

Those are kind of funny, ...in a stupid way!

What is brown and sticky?



..A STICK!
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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If i am traveling at 15 meters per second and I throw a rock with a force of 17 Newtons into a breeze that is blowing at 11 meters per second, how fast am i going on a bus?

Blue.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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If alians where to invade earth, how many pancakes would it take to roof a dogs house?








none, fish don't like ice cream
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deejuks2
If i am traveling at 15 meters per second and I throw a rock with a force of 17 Newtons into a breeze that is blowing at 11 meters per second, how fast am i going on a bus?

Blue.
15 m/s
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by intotheflats
If alians where to invade earth, how many pancakes would it take to roof a dogs house?


none, fish don't like ice cream
I'm not sure why, but I found that one amusing.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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2 muffins are sitting in an oven. the 1st one says "it's relaly hot" the second one says "ahh a talking muffin"
--------------
whats white and sticky?

glue
--------------
whats long hard and full of semen

a submarine
--------------
a man walks into a bar, what does he say?

ouch
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in her back yard?
Neither did she.

What do you call a black man whos flying a plane?
A pilot.

What's funnier that a retarded kid trying to ride a bike?
Absolutely Nothing.

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house?
Dont feel bad, he hasnt either

How did Helen Keller burn her face?
The phone rang and she answered the iron.

How did Helen Keller burn her face the second time?
The phone rang again.

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick it up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter have acted like a kind of flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Poor pancake... and you were so
hungry.

What do you call a mule that isn't very smart?
A stupid mule.


What do you call, when a baby has forks in his eyes?
9-1-1



What's the difference between George W Bush and a doorknob?
George W Bush is the president of the United States. A doorknob is a mechanical device that securely closes a hinged door, thereby keeping your family safe from danger.

A little boy is playing on the playground, when he here's some girls whisper, "purple ivy!" and giggling. He walks up to them and says, "whats purple ivy?" the girls gasp and go tell the teacher. What did u do, boy? she asks. I just asked what purple ivy was. The teacher got a stern look and said young man, youre going to the principals office. The principal said what did u do boy? I just asked what purple ivy was. The principal said youre going home, boy. When he got home his mom asked how did oyu get in trouble? I just asked what purple ivy was. His mom burst into tears and went into her room. His dad walked up and said how did you make your mother so upset? She asked how I got in trouble and I said I asked what purple ivy was the boy said. His dad got a stern look and said son, youre going to military school. At military school the commander said how did u get here boy? I just asked what purple ivy was, he said. The commander got mad and banned him from America to France. The french commander said how did you get here boy? well I just asked what purple ivy was. He got banned from France. Now hes working for the mafia. How did you get here, the leader said. I just asked what purple ivy was. The boss smiled and said Im not going to tell you, but the man across the street will. He goes to see the man and askes him what purple ivy is. the man says if you bring me some donuts from the gas station across the street Ill tell you. So the boy goes to get the donuts, but crossing the street, he gets hit by a car and dies, and the moral is look both ways before crossing the street.

One day, man walked up to his sone and said, "son, i am a very wealthy and powerful man. I can buy you anything you want. Now being your highschool graduation day, i am giving you this offer of anything you want. Money is no thing to me. Tell me anything you want and I will get it for you." The son replied without hesitation and said, "I want 1,000 green golf balls." The father, obviously bewildered asked the son why, and his son did not answer him. The father however, gave him the 1,000 green golf balls he had asked for. 4 years later, The son had graduated from college and the father once again made him an offer. "Son, i am very wealthy, and i am very powerful. Money doesnt mean a thing to me. Once again, tell me anything in the world that you want and ill get it for you. The son once again asked for 1,000 green golf balls. The man had grown very angry by this time, but loved his son so much that he gave him the 1,000 green golf balls. The two men separated and after 5 years, the son had a computer software business and was very wealthy. As a congradulations gift, the man gave his son the generous offer of anything that he wanted in the world. The son once again said that he wanted a 1,000 green golf balls. The man was furious but gave his son the golf balls. They separated once again but did not talk for almost 20 years because the man was so angry at his son. One day, his son got in a car accident and his father flew across America to come to his side. The son was in very bad shape. Despite all of their anger, the father said, "Why did you want all of those green golf balls all of these years?" The son looked into his eyes and said, "Well I..." And then he died.

And finally my favorite:

One day, little Frankie was outside when it started to rain. But the rain was different from the usual rain - this rain was a shiny green substance. Frankie laughed as it fell on him. He opened his mouth and caught it on his tongue. "I will call it 'grooby'!!" he said. Frankie captured a jarful and brought it to his elementary school to show everyone. His friends were jealous and asked what it is. Frankie proudly said "It's 'grooby'!" Later in class, Frankie's teacher saw it and asked him what it is. Frankie said "It's 'grooby'! I named it!" She laughed and went back to the chalkboard. Frankie took his jar of grooby to his science teacher. "Look at my jar of grooby, Mr. Harris!" Mr. Harris said, "Frankie, you shouldn't call it grooby - you should call it 'nuclear waste'. The nearby reactor had a leak causing nuclear acid rain". Frankie gasped. Mr. Harris asked, "Frankie, you didn't happen to drink any did you?" Frankie reluctantly nodded. Harris ended with, "Frankie, I'm afraid you're going to get cancer and die."
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by big_balla89
I'm not sure why, but I found that one amusing.
But i don't even LIKE tennis...
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Old August 5th, 2005, 06:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by croix153
15 m/s
I already gave the answer. And plus, if you had a red car? If humans were cows and cows were humans i bet humans woudl smell like ****.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 07:28 PM   #11 (permalink)
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lmao i love stupid jokes
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Old August 5th, 2005, 09:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sh00t em Up
A little boy is playing on the playground, when he here's some girls whisper, "purple ivy!" and giggling. He walks up to them and says, "whats purple ivy?" the girls gasp and go tell the teacher. What did u do, boy? she asks. I just asked what purple ivy was. The teacher got a stern look and said young man, youre going to the principals office. The principal said what did u do boy? I just asked what purple ivy was. The principal said youre going home, boy. When he got home his mom asked how did oyu get in trouble? I just asked what purple ivy was. His mom burst into tears and went into her room. His dad walked up and said how did you make your mother so upset? She asked how I got in trouble and I said I asked what purple ivy was the boy said. His dad got a stern look and said son, youre going to military school. At military school the commander said how did u get here boy? I just asked what purple ivy was, he said. The commander got mad and banned him from America to France. The french commander said how did you get here boy? well I just asked what purple ivy was. He got banned from France. Now hes working for the mafia. How did you get here, the leader said. I just asked what purple ivy was. The boss smiled and said Im not going to tell you, but the man across the street will. He goes to see the man and askes him what purple ivy is. the man says if you bring me some donuts from the gas station across the street Ill tell you. So the boy goes to get the donuts, but crossing the street, he gets hit by a car and dies, and the moral is look both ways before crossing the street."
hahahaha omg thats great
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Old August 5th, 2005, 09:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I was told a racist one that is incredibly funny... but I feel weird about repeating it.

Unless a super or admin says its ok to post it here, IM me for it.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 10:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Why aren't mall security guards allowed to carry guns?

They're not properly trained in handling firearms.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 10:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deejuks2
But i don't even LIKE tennis...
...i like tennis...
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Old August 5th, 2005, 11:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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And then I found $5.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 11:18 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Why is it called root beer?

Because you're gay.
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Old August 5th, 2005, 11:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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MAN : I was so wasted last night i blew chunks
OTHER GUY: thats not that bad, one time this girl was so wasted she threwup all over her roomate then got in a car accident and died
MAN : No, chunks is my dog.......
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Old August 5th, 2005, 11:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *SHOCKER*
MAN : I was so wasted last night i blew chunks
OTHER GUY: thats not that bad, one time this girl was so wasted she threwup all over her roomate then got in a car accident and died
MAN : No, chunks is my dog.......

*dead*
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Old August 6th, 2005, 08:15 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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....i play tennis!
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Old August 6th, 2005, 08:19 AM   #21 (permalink)
 
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sorry about the double post... i had to to emphasize both statements...

and the stupidest jokes i could think of are scharfuehrer and spd01283 or whatever the hell his name is
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Old August 6th, 2005, 09:01 AM   #22 (permalink)
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ok i once had a dog with no legs.....




it was a real drag








How many therapists does it tke to change a light bulb





Non the light bulb has to WANT to change
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Old August 6th, 2005, 09:04 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paintchick15
and the stupidest jokes i could think of are scharfuehrer and spd01283 or whatever the hell his name is


What are you talking about?
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Old August 6th, 2005, 10:35 AM   #24 (permalink)
 
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Weird. I find a lot of these very amusing.
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Old August 6th, 2005, 01:15 PM   #25 (permalink)
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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.
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