IMPORTANT LEGISLATION!!!! Please READ NOW!! - Paintball Forum - Paintball guns and gear forums

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Old October 31st, 2006, 05:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
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IMPORTANT LEGISLATION!!!! Please READ NOW!!

With your help we can get this important piece of legislation signed into law!!!

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - CONGRESSIONAL ACT 2006

WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be."



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Old October 31st, 2006, 05:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Cute.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 05:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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hahahah the DMV One is great, must be higher though
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Old October 31st, 2006, 06:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Old October 31st, 2006, 08:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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is this serious?
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Old October 31st, 2006, 08:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Aint no way I'm agreeing with that.

All America seems to be doing lately is helping the people that don't bother trying to earn money for themselves. I mean, honestly, if that lady wanted her job as a lug-nut twister, she would've tried harder.

Gay. If you want to do something, WORK HARD AND DO IT. Don't give a half-assed effort then complain about how it's not fair you dont have a job. Shut up and try a little harder next time. There is always some kind of job you can get, no matter how "non-abled" you are. I think that's the most retarded law I've ever seen.... all it does is promote laziness and worthlessness.

I can understand laws to help people with DISabilities, because if you dont have a leg you obviously can't do a job that involves a lot of walking, but you cant just NOT have any abilities. This is the most retarded law I've ever seen (I know i just said that, but IDC)


If this is serious, this just raises my level of contempt for George W. and the Government as a whole. I hate politicians now, voting is all about whatever person you DISLIKE LEAST. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.



I didn't think it was needed....................



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Old October 31st, 2006, 09:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
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ahahaha that's funny
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Old October 31st, 2006, 02:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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this is a joke guys... but a very dunny one at that. with a little tweaking, you could get more people to believe you.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 03:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by M98Man
Aint no way I'm agreeing with that.

All America seems to be doing lately is helping the people that don't bother trying to earn money for themselves. I mean, honestly, if that lady wanted her job as a lug-nut twister, she would've tried harder.

Gay. If you want to do something, WORK HARD AND DO IT. Don't give a half-assed effort then complain about how it's not fair you dont have a job. Shut up and try a little harder next time. There is always some kind of job you can get, no matter how "non-abled" you are. I think that's the most retarded law I've ever seen.... all it does is promote laziness and worthlessness.

I can understand laws to help people with DISabilities, because if you dont have a leg you obviously can't do a job that involves a lot of walking, but you cant just NOT have any abilities. This is the most retarded law I've ever seen (I know i just said that, but IDC)


If this is serious, this just raises my level of contempt for George W. and the Government as a whole. I hate politicians now, voting is all about whatever person you DISLIKE LEAST. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.
Someone remembered to take their stupid pills this morning. If you believe this, you just might be a "non-abled" person.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 04:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by M98Man
Aint no way I'm agreeing with that.

All America seems to be doing lately is helping the people that don't bother trying to earn money for themselves. I mean, honestly, if that lady wanted her job as a lug-nut twister, she would've tried harder.

Gay. If you want to do something, WORK HARD AND DO IT. Don't give a half-assed effort then complain about how it's not fair you dont have a job. Shut up and try a little harder next time. There is always some kind of job you can get, no matter how "non-abled" you are. I think that's the most retarded law I've ever seen.... all it does is promote laziness and worthlessness.

I can understand laws to help people with DISabilities, because if you dont have a leg you obviously can't do a job that involves a lot of walking, but you cant just NOT have any abilities. This is the most retarded law I've ever seen (I know i just said that, but IDC)


If this is serious, this just raises my level of contempt for George W. and the Government as a whole. I hate politicians now, voting is all about whatever person you DISLIKE LEAST. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.



I didn't think it was needed....................




How embarrasing - I doubt you wrote all that sarcastically.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 04:21 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Finally, legislation that I can benefit from!
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Old October 31st, 2006, 05:03 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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heh.

so, in reality, we should banish the welfare system?
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Old October 31st, 2006, 08:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Oh god that was scary, for a paragraph or two I thought it was real. I could totally believe the beginning part is true, and that is sad.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 08:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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^^^^ I thought it was real at first as well. Then I read on and decided that if this was real, I would be moving to Canada.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 10:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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heh.

so, in reality, we should banish the welfare system?
definitely. people take advantage of it wayyyy to much. no one should receive money from the government for more than a month (its never taken me more than a few days to find a job.. and ive found several over the years) and on top of that, the only people who should get it are people who were laid off.

a friend of mine went on a road trip last year, and lived on oregon's welfare system for 2 months while him and his friends went bmx'ing everywhere with random people they found. then he came home. you want to talk about a stupid system? there ya go
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Old October 31st, 2006, 11:03 PM   #16 (permalink)
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At first I didn't know it was fake.

Because this is America and we're damn good at having stupid things like this made into law.
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Old October 31st, 2006, 11:16 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I need to contact my state representitives about this bill! We need to pass it to save America or the commies will win!
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Old October 31st, 2006, 11:48 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Medic, where did you find this anyways?
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Old November 1st, 2006, 04:01 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Old November 1st, 2006, 03:51 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Torch
At first I didn't know it was fake.

Because this is America and we're damn good at having stupid things like this made into law.
ditto...we sometimes make stupid decisions.
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Old November 1st, 2006, 03:54 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I need to contact my state representitives about this bill! We need to pass it to save America or the commies will win!
wouldnt passing this bill make us commies?
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Old November 1st, 2006, 05:56 PM   #22 (permalink)
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wouldnt passing this bill make us commies?
DONT TRY TO SQUASH MY RIGHTS!
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Old November 1st, 2006, 08:09 PM   #23 (permalink)
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wouldnt passing this bill make us commies?
yeah that's what i was thinking too.
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Old November 1st, 2006, 09:21 PM   #24 (permalink)
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