letter to my gf - Paintball Forum - Paintball guns and gear forums

View Poll Results: what to do

now 8 33.33%
later 6 25.00%
other you better explain 10 41.67%
Voters: 24. You may not vote on this poll

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Old December 6th, 2004, 02:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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letter to my gf

so this sucks...I spent all day with my girlfriend today and it was amazing. Im soo happy around her but im waiting to go off to the army. I can't stand the idea of leaving her alone here while im gone and just really am having a hard time dealing with it.

pretty much if your gonna ***** about me being emo then you can shut up now cause I don't wanna hear it this isn't some petty my shoes got muddy thread this is serious stuff.

jokes will not be found funny in this thread because on this issue I don't like to joke around.

Quote:
Love isn't just a here or not here type of thing. Its
something that starts off small and builds over time. Well Im afraid
all Im doing now is building something up that I have to jump off of
later. I don't like that I will be going off to the army and you
don't like the army period. I don't dislike leaving because of the
army but just because Im leaving you. This is hard no matter what but
its twice as hard because our love is so strong. Even if I don't
leave for several more months that just makes our love stronger and
makes it all the worse when I do need to leave. I would love more
than anything to bring you with me and have your support all along.
But you have another year of highschool which means by the time you
are getting through your senior year I will have already gone through
boot then advanced training. Depending on what is in my service
future I will either go off to more advanced schools or deployed to
where needed within or out of the country. I can't always promise
that you can be by my side and I hate that alot. I went for a while
thinking it would last forever and it can its just a very very hard
thing to do...it would involve time apart and alot of work. Later in
life the army will be a small influence in our lives but in the first
few years it will grab hold and take me for a bumpy ride. Im not
afraid of the ride I just don't like leaving you. I don't know what
to do karen I don't know if I want to go on and on and then have to
cut it off with an unknown see you or goodbye. Thats very hard to
deal with for me and have worried for a while now but you started
saying it last night and again tonight and I feel like Im abusing you
with it. I don't like feeling like Im just waiting to hurt you more
in the future. You have so much to look forward to in life you will
have college after highschool and a whole life ahead and I can't say
for certain that you will be with me through it all. Its just very
hard to maintain at that level.
pretty much says most of it. theres another chunk but really you get the idea.

well heres another section
Quote:
I just love you too much to build up to the point where you are
giving your all to me and I just have to walk away some day. We need to
decide togeather if we can take the later pain. God this is hard I
don't know what to say I never want to leave you but sooner or later
it has to happen I can't sit around doing deliveries my entire
life. Tonight was one of the best nights/days Ive had in as long as I
can remember and I just can't stand giving you up. I don't know what
is in the future for sure but it has to be something because theres no
way I can wait forever. And you can't wait around for me either.
this is rough. I really love the girl and can't stand leaving her. But I think part of that love is realizing that its gonna really hurt her later. I know people can work it out through the military my uncle did it through his 20+ years of service in special forces...but his wife was also the same age and they left togeather and she went to school while he was away. its just the type of thing that I don't know how to work this out. If I need to just let it build for as long as im around and then leave it open when I leave or make it easier for her and myself and cut it off earlier.

I would marry karen I love her at a level I thought I would never love another person. I can't stand being away from her..we have ups and downs but the ups out shine the downs by miles and miles. I know I can handle it later on but how am I supposed to deal with the first years.

so poll....
now. well **** guys i can't tell you everything that just means its better to kill it while its small.

later....enjoy what I have untill Im not allowed to have it anymore

other explain to me what exactly Im supposed to ****ing do because I don't even know anymore.


edit.
---------
added footnotes

joining army but will have to leave girlfriend behind
I don't know how to do it need advice reasurance what im doing is right
read the post if you care emo bashers will be banned or something terrible.




You do not want to mess around with me on this issue.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
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yeah, sounds like a rock and a hard place. i feel for ya man, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. you gotta decide what's more important in the long run

love is the best thing in the world, and at the same time it's the worst

i picked other cuz i don't want to influence you one way or the other. i have the feeling you probably already have your mind made up, or at least thinking it in the back of your head
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I don't think what people on a paintball forum say will have any affect...Im going to sit down and have a talk with her over it but wrote down my thoughts including this and sent it out to her. I needed her to have some prep time on it because thats alot to dump on someone.

If it would work out I would love for her to be by my side
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:51 AM   #4 (permalink)
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yeah i know how it's hard to be away from someone you love, especially if it's like this where it's a really strong love. but you know what they say, if it was meant to be, it'll be.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 04:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I was really down about it around 12 when I got home...she started talking about how selfish she was being for wanting me to not join the army and I felt bad for her because she wanted so badly for me to not be going and yet knew the cause was just so couldn't really argue.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 07:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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When are you going in? Nick I am not trying to be insensitive, but long distance relationships are HARD. Millitary ones are even harder. If I had a nickel for every 19 year old who gets the "dear John" letter about 1/2 way through AIT, I would be a rich man.

If you love something, set it free... If it doesn't come back, it was never truly yours to begin with.

I wish you luck, and I salute your dedication to serve.



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Old December 6th, 2004, 08:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
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hmm damn man.

ive had some really tough situations with girls before. in comparison they might not have been as large as this. but to scale i probably felt some what the same.

this is youre future. postponing the army for karen, well shes in highschool and your just out of it. Not many couples like that last. But your service will effect the rest of your life.

really, only thing i can think of is live the last bit you guys have together to the fulliest, make it kick ass while ya still got it.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 10:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I started typing this whole long thing when you made the first thread, but you deleted the thread before i hit submit.

So the short version:

This isnt your decision to make. You heard me. Drop the letter idea. Letters are cool for writing when its hard to talk to relatives, family members, friends, etc. Not girlfriends. Go talk to her, tell her what you wanted to say in the letter. Then together see what you guys should do.

Just my thoughts.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 11:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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no see I already sent it yesterday.

it wasn't like I was doing some test run on you It was out to her. Same kinda thing I pretty much told her we would have to give it up but she was right but to me this morning
Quote:
nick, i'm sorry i brought it up last night.. its just something that is always stuck in the back of my head and sometimes it just comes out. and i guess, i feel horrible. i shouldn't try and keep you from doing what you love. that isn't right. i just don't know what to do either. what we have isn't just some puppy crush. it's love and it isn't going to go away for me. seeing you leave would be the hardest thing ever but what comes after will be worth it. we don't even know waht you'll be doing anyway...maybe it wont be so bad. i dont know..if you left a year from now, it wouldn't hurt any more than if you left tomorrow.
I could actually see it working out through it all. shes not the sent out john deer letter type...
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Old December 6th, 2004, 11:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I agree with dhill, but I think you need to do what you want to do. I love my girlfriend dearly, we've been together for almost 18 months now. I'm going to college come next fall and she'll still have 2 years of high school left(Yes, she's now a Sophomore and I'm a Senior), and I have a hard time thinking about it.

In the end, it all comes down to what you want to do and what you think she would rather have.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 11:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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What happened to the original post last night... I read it and went to reply, and someone deleted it. Go for the friend thing now.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 11:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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eh I messed up and didn't include the poll then went to edit it in and it couldn't repost for 5 minutes..then I forgot and copied something else making me loose the post. I don't know about just being friends it just is crap compared to loving her.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 12:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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If you love each other as much as you seem to, then everything can work out...love works in mysterious ways.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:06 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BUBBASR.
eh I messed up and didn't include the poll then went to edit it in and it couldn't repost for 5 minutes..then I forgot and copied something else making me loose the post. I don't know about just being friends it just is crap compared to loving her.
I understand that, but you said that the longer that you love her the more painful it gets, so just cut it off now, and when you come back, you can still be friends, rather than losing it loving her to the last moment and not seeing her in a long time.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Bubba I really hope everything works out and when or if you go to the army you will be in my prayers. I hope she is loyal enough to stay by your side and wait for you. BTW how long have you two been going out and maybe if its long enough propose to her when you get back. Or not...but goodluck man.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:31 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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i have two friends in the same suition bubba

you BOTH have to make it work if you want to try the long distance thing.

from what i read though its sounds like you guys are gonna try, but that doesn't nescairly mean it will work. if you love her so much and she loves you so much then you realisticly have two options: one try to make it work even if you leave the country. two mutually agree that you guys will take the relationship down a different avenue (possibly just friends) and keep communicating with her. then when you come back for good from the service see how it feels with if it feels like nothing has changed, then your relationship will be even stronger. remember to stay in contact though if you both have some type of IM service talk on that, call, write do it all. they all do something different to a person when you communicate with them.

be prepared though if you do try the long term thing for nights of worring/wondering if she is being as honest or as truthful as she says. she likewise will probably do the same. you guys will probably get in some arguments and probably end some converstations on a bad note, but as you said the good outweigh the bad by miles.

just take it very slow and make you explore all options and do what you feel is the right thing and hopefully she agrees. there is one thing i tell people whenever they are facing a tough choice:

don't think just feel, if it feels right in your head and heart that is all you need.

i know that first sentence is from somewhere else but it still works. hope it all works out for you man. if you have any questions or need to vent find me on AIM.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:36 PM   #17 (permalink)
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You're fine nick.

I see dhill's point about the whole letter and girlfriend thing, but I think that sending the letter was a better idea. Think about it, words only last for that time being, a letter she can look at and ponder about everyday.

Good luck Nick, all of us will miss you.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:37 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I won't just be coming back after service is the thing. I plan on going for a 20 year stint type of thing where you don't just say lucy im home. It would have to be once its slightly settled she can come to me. I can't figure out how really oh well.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:51 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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ah i see i missed that part. well yeah in that case you would just have to wait till things get settled.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 01:53 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Just sit down and talk with her. And say that you both need to make this decision.

I don't think I could leave my girlfriend like that but if this is your only choice then you gotta do what you gotta do.

Good luck Nick. If you ever wanna kick back and have a beer, you bring it and you know where me and the other Nick is.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 02:32 PM   #21 (permalink)
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true story man I was pissed that I didn't go out to kansas over thanks break. It would have been pimp to ball with you 2
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Old December 6th, 2004, 02:50 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BUBBASR.
I won't just be coming back after service is the thing. I plan on going for a 20 year stint type of thing where you don't just say lucy im home. It would have to be once its slightly settled she can come to me. I can't figure out how really oh well.

Well if thats the case then Im afraid theres no choice or alternative. Im just wondering why it is so important for you to be in the military for that long.

You need to balance it out Nick. If you want to be happy with your social life and also your work life you need a alternative. I dunno maybe like have her go to college near your training base.

Or go to the military but not for 20 years. Im sure something can be worked out. But in any case your not going to see her for a while. I guess for now the best thing to do is enjoy it while it lasts.

And visit her whenver you get a chance. Ironically most generals had the same problem between military service or there wives/gf's. Ike Eisenhower more specifically. I think you know what choice he made.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:29 PM   #23 (permalink)
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naw I wanna go in for life bro that means I get retiremet...if I stayed for 16 or what ever and then quit I don't neccisarily get retirement and that sucks.

Shes too smart to go to just some random college close by. I want good things for her.
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Is there anyway you can negotiate with the military to get transferred near her or maybe even request times off for a visit? Probably not the same. There is no way to save her im afraid, I would suggest that you break up with her so its not as bad. But if by a miracle it was possible for you to see her then it would be okay. But the likely hood of this realationship working for this amount of time is really unlikely. Plus we know what guys want to do with girls in any college .
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Old December 6th, 2004, 03:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
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karen would kick the crap outa any guy who tried to persuade her. She saying that she wants to come to me when high schools over and get her college from different bases. theres plenty of places to be stationed but I don't always know if there will be a high enough grade school for her.

Like I know there is a sf post in kansas where KState is at and that would work for her but I don't know how long I could be there.
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