Paintball Humor - Paintball Forum - Paintball guns and gear forums

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Old December 6th, 2004, 12:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Exclamation Paintball Humor

ok here's the game, post the funniest paintball joke you can find, however no "you might be a paintballer if" jokes because they already have a seperate thread. I'll start,

(cheesy i no) Wat's the diff between an impulse owner and a bushmaster owner? the impulse owner won't get sued for using it.
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Old December 20th, 2004, 09:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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ok knoch knock.........paintball guy shoots gun paintball guy gets hit paintball guy says ow paintball guy says haha p[aintball guy says nope paintball guy says yup paintball guy says i dont like you aahahahahhaah there it is folks i hope u like it
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Old December 22nd, 2004, 11:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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My barrel is longer than yours.
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Old December 22nd, 2004, 12:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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never short stroke your cock-er,or you might break your balls
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Old December 22nd, 2004, 05:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Remember to use your condom incase of a misfire, so that no one gets hurt!
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Old December 29th, 2004, 09:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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paintball, the only sport in which you can openly talk about the following:
1. short stroking your cocker
2. not having the balls
3. condoms
4. cock-ers in general
5. nipples
6. leaky nipples
7. nipple covers
8. getting creamed in the face
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Old December 29th, 2004, 09:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Why do cocker owners hate rain? B/c novody likes a wet cock-er.

Whats the difference between a stock cocker or E-Blade?

A E-Blade Cocker hits balls a lot harder.

got smore later.
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Lmao, I remember that drama. Why does pbf suck so much now?
Quote:
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A lot of our members were young, and went to off to college and/or got real jobs. Also the recession slows down paintball quite a bit.
Explains alot.
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Old January 28th, 2005, 08:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Save your balls hit your target

Two paintballers are at a bar after a beer the one says "do you want to have some shots" te other says "no last time i did shots with you i blew chunks" The other says "so well do one or two easy ones" "NO you dont understand!!! Chunks is my dog"
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Old January 28th, 2005, 08:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evbo
Two paintballers are at a bar after a beer the one says "do you want to have some shots" te other says "no last time i did shots with you i blew chunks" The other says "so well do one or two easy ones" "NO you dont understand!!! Chunks is my dog"
nothing to do with paintball. heh
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Old January 28th, 2005, 10:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SupahFly21
nothing to do with paintball. heh
Two PAINTBALLERS
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Old January 29th, 2005, 01:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Can anyone remember that really funny long one where it ends like I autococked-her or something like that?
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Old January 30th, 2005, 08:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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random and stupid off the wall joke that i am posting for no good reason: two paintballers walk into a burger king. they go to relieve themselves before ordering. one says to the other, "man it smells like pickles in here". 2nd one says "you know why don't you? the place is full of cucumbers!" actually happened...
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Old January 30th, 2005, 10:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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What do you get when you shove a paintball gun up your ass and fire?

Blood poop!!!!
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Old January 31st, 2005, 02:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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okay, that wasnt even remotely funny in any way, it was stupid
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Old January 31st, 2005, 03:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Grab your balls and let's play.

The longer the barrel, the better the shot.

Cold weather can harden your balls. Keep them warm.

Don't pump it too fast or you may break a ball.

If your balls get wet they tend to swell.

Frozen balls will not break but hurt more when they hit.

If someone's balls don't break, grab them and use them yourself.

Balls may bounce if there's not enough power in their thrust.

Always carry extra balls.

Shake your balls regularly, do not stir.

It tastes nasty if you get one in the mouth.

Don't pack your balls to tightly or they may not feed well.

Store your balls in a cool, dry place.

It's not how long the barrel is, it's how you use it.

You get what you pay for.

Some balls are harder to break then others.

Make sure your barrel is clean before you shoot your balls.

If I had your balls, I'd play as well as you do to.

Don't touch my balls, or I'll splatter your face.

How well do your balls fire?

Does your marker shoot blanks alot?

How well do your balls get the job done?

I can shoot farther than you can.

Ah HAH! So you're the one with the blue balls.

Old balls don't shoot well.

Do you need more balls?

Can I have some of your balls?

It takes only one ball to get the job done.

I have better/more balls than you do.

Surrender your balls! (sent in by Nikki Hallenbeck, OH)
Lemme see your Balls! (sent in by Firecat, Northern MI)
If your balls are empty, you have a problem. (sent in by Sam, Tyngsboro, MA)
But seriously ... how are your balls?

My balls look bigger than yours.

My balls feel colder than yours.

How many balls do you have?

Wet, swollen balls won't shoot well.

Treat your balls like you would treat your own.

My balls are hard on the outside and soft on the inside.

Smack 'em hard with your balls!

Hit 'em where it counts! But don't hit me there!

Your balls are cheesy! (sent in by Nikki Hallenbeck, OH.)

My balls are fragile. Handle with care. (ditto)

I think I have air bubbles in my balls.

My balls have flat spots on them.

Oh oh! There's a broken ball in my bag.

Somtimes it takes a big marker and a lot of balls to get the job done!

My balls may be old, but my marker still shoots straight.

What kind of balls do you have?

How big are your balls?

Oh man .... my balls are leaking! (from JP, Portsmouth,NH)

Some people just don't have the balls to win. (from Jamba)

Don't eat your balls. (from Kevin L.)

I'll show you mine if you show me yours. (from bigPAINTballs)

Paintball is a sport where you have to bust your balls. (ditto)

Wear a Cup - Two's Company, Three's a Crowd. (from JBS)

Protect your balls - they break easy. (from Jason)

Play with your balls before they get bloated. (from JBS)
Don't you just hate it when your balls break right before you're about to play with 'em? (from Nick)
How many people did you hit with your balls today? (ditto)
Your balls taste funny (from Joe G)
Watch your balls. If you don't you might lose one. (from Jon V in ME)
Why do my balls shrink when they're cold? (from John B)
Hey, did you grab my balls? (from 'Scuba-John')
I have no balls. (from Nancy B)
What color are your balls? (From Sean W)
My dog ate my balls! (from Alex B)
When it comes to balls, go big or go home! (from Allison P)
You need balls to get the job done.(from Ben D)
UH OH! Someone stole my balls! (from Devin)
Hey, those are my balls. Leave them alone! (from Mike)
Hey your balls look old. (from Jim H)
I'll hold your balls if you'll hold mine. (from "Jus6188")
Don't hit me in the face with your balls! (ditto)
Your balls splattered on my clothes! (from AdamR)
Don't step on my balls! (ditto)
You need balls to play this game! (ditto)
Make sure no one shoots your balls. They might break. (from Joe R)
Hey! Are those my balls on your face?(from Jeff M)
DUDE! My balls are premium!(from Michael M)
OH! My Balls got in my condom!(from Michael M)
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Old February 1st, 2005, 12:21 PM   #16 (permalink)
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paintballers make the best bf's cause we move our fingers fast in tight places. lol
"hey look at my blue premium balls."
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Old February 1st, 2005, 12:43 PM   #17 (permalink)
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"Let me have your balls"
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Old February 6th, 2005, 09:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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A few reasons to date a paintballer
1. We dont mind getting down and dirty
2. We always wear protection
3. We have at least 12" barrells
4. We dont mind spending a lot of money at one place
5. We have really fast fingers
6. We can spray a ton and not get tired
7. We know how to listen to directions
8. We LOVE to be aggressive
9. We arent afraid to dive face first into tight spaces
10. We like to push hard but not so hard that we get hit
11. We clean out barrels often
12. We like to slide into our positions
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Old February 7th, 2005, 03:30 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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ill drink to that
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Old August 4th, 2009, 01:49 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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A speedballer takes his dog to a field he has never played at before.The field owner comes up and says "Hey,you can't bring a dog here.He might bite somebody." The speedballer says " No sir.My dog celebrates whenever I shoot someone out." The owner says " This I got to see." In the first game, the speedballer shoots a guy out off the break. The dog runs around in circles,barks,then sits and claps his paws together.The owner is surprised. The speedballer shoots a guy out of the snake.The dog does the same thing.After the game, the owner says to the speedballer " Wow,it's just like you said.Your dog does celebrate when you shoot someone out.What does he do when you get shot out?" " Cartwheels." says the speedballer. "How many?" asks the owner.The speedballer says " It depends how hard I kick him."
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Old September 22nd, 2009, 08:40 PM   #21 (permalink)
 
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I'll search something and send it later
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Old September 23rd, 2009, 07:03 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Holy threadrez Batman!
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