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Holy ****ing Asscrackers!
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Twas A Mach Before Christmas: A Ricer's Christmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas and I was caught at a light.
And then up pulled a rumbling V8, no cops in sight.
I will try, I will try, with this 2 liter motor.
To beat this damn Mach 1, and it's earthquake-like shaker.
As the light goes to green, I pull like no joke,
That Mach 1's rearend erupts in a big cloud of smoke.
"Rev Smasher!, rev Twister!, rev Stroker!, rev Blitzin!."
I yelled out the names of my 4 VTEC Pistons.
Racing ahead, I'm the star of the action,
but I'm in deep ****, when that Mach 1 gets traction.
I grab second gear and the RPMs sing,
My rear-view mirror blocked by my shopping cart wing.
I now hear the rattle of that black shaker gaining,
All I can do is keep those 4 pistons straining.
In a second the shockwave hits with a blast,
My Japanese stickers go flying, a thing of the past.
I don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
I just try to act cool, like I can relate.
Looking up at the tail lights, as they get smaller,
The Mach 1 backs off just to give me a holler.
"You can't win 'em all" the driver says with a twang
"but you won't win any against THIS Mustang!"
My neon lights a-glow, as the Mach 1 pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow... I'll win the next fight.
Another night we meet, again on that same road,
My fart-pipe exhaust, blows steam in the cold.
I revved hard, this time so sure I would win,
But that damn Mach 1, kicked my ass again.
The driver rolls down the window, at the end of the street,
And yells out, "When I mash the gas, this shaker sure is a treat !!"


A Ricer's Christmas Story -- Cobra version

Twas the night before Christmas and I was caught at a light.
Then up pulled a rumbling V8, no cops in sight.
I will try, I will try, with this 2 liter motor.
To beat this damn Cobra, and it's vacuum-like blower.
As the light goes to green, I pull like no joke,
That Cobra's rearend erupts in a big cloud of smoke.
"Rev Smasher!, rev Twister!, rev Stroker!, rev Blitzin!."
I yelled out the names of my four VTEC Pistons.
Racing ahead, I'm the star of the action,
but I'm in deep ****, when that Cobra gets traction.
I grab second gear and the RPMs sing,
My rear-view mirror blocked by my shopping cart wing.
I now hear the whistle of that Eaton gaining,
All I can do is keep those four pistons straining.
In a second the shockwave hits with a blast,
My Japanese stickers go flying, a thing of the past.
I don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
I just try to act cool, like I can relate.
Looking up at the tail lights, as they get smaller,
The Cobra backs off just to give me a holler.
"You can't win 'em all" the driver says with a twang
"but you won't win any against THIS Mustang!"
My neon lights a-glow, as the Cobra pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow... I'll win the next fight.
Another night we meet, again on that same road,
My fart-pipe exhaust, blows steam in the cold.
I revved hard, this time so sure I would win,
But that damn Cobra, kicked my ass again.
The driver waves from the window, I just lower my head and cry
a Cobra with hazards flashing, imitating a ricer-flyby !!
 

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hahahaaa. :rofl :rofl thats great.

sombody i know at the ranger forums had a great siggy quote

"every peice of chrome adds 5 HP"
 

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every square inch of bondo adds 10 hp, and the body kit (any one works) adds 300hp, and a wing adds 100hp, and the fart can adds 45hp, and tints add 30, stickers add 5HP each, and a steering wheel cover adds 25, and rims add 40, cheap low prof tires add 400, and chroome anything automatically adds 15 each peice...

there ya have it....lol
 

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that just made my entire day
 
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