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look LOOK ! ha you looked
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705 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought
long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked,and the ranch was doing very
well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the
ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went
into town one Saturday night. However one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired
hand. He returned around two-thirty and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass of wine waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her."Unbutton my blouse and take
it off," she said. Nervously, he did as she directed." Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so
slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off
my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." With
trembling hands he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Now,"she said, "take off my panties." By
the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear
my clothes into town again, you're fired.
 

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Its never lupus
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9,169 Posts
Meh.

How many chickens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

(with a little alcohol in you or possibly some THC you'd be laughing your ass off at that joke.

edit-

Another

How many people from Nor cal does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella
 

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look LOOK ! ha you looked
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705 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
how many irshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. one two hold the lightbulb up and one to drink till the room spins.l
 

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King of the Fuster Cluck
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2,064 Posts
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb....???







Wanna go ride bikes
 

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Registered
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1,276 Posts
lol jokes are funny.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with
her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after
dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to
the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about
half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms
and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents!
Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where
the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows
his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist!"
 

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Holy ****ing Asscrackers!
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6,721 Posts
imagineballa991 said:
ive heard it be4 but its still funny ****
I know its old but:
how do you get an elephant into safeway?

take the s out of safe and the f out of way
:confused: :shrug:
 

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10,024 Posts
i think he meant something like "take the S out of Safe and "get the F out of the way"" something along those lines..i didnt get it at first either...
 

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Registered
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2,513 Posts
How many old school skaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2,1 to screw it in,and another to stand around and say how good the other one was.
 

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<3
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1,347 Posts
flowbob said:
i think he meant something like "take the S out of Safe and "get the F out of the way"" something along those lines..i didnt get it at first either...
You guys are dum.

Theres no "f" in way.

And since that will still probably be hard.

Theres no effin way. :tup

2legit's was teh funny.
 
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