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I got this in my e-mail this morning. I'm not sure if it was really written by Michael Moore or not, but either way it's pathetically gay.

>Dear Friends,
>Enough of the handwringing! Enough of the doomsaying!
>Do I have to come there and personally calm you down?
>Stop with all the defeatism, OK? Bush IS a goner -- IF
>we all just quit our whining and bellyaching and stop
>shaking like a bunch of nervous ninnies. Geez, this is
>embarrassing! The Republicans are laughing at us. Do
>you ever see them cry, "Oh, it's all over! We are
>finished! Bush can't win! Waaaaaa!"
>Hell no. It's never over for them until the last
>ballot is shredded. They are never finished -- they
>just keeping moving forward like sharks that never
>sleep, always pushing, pulling, kicking, blocking,
>They are relentless and that is why we secretly
>admire them -- they just simply never, ever give up.
>Only 30% of the country calls itself "Republican," yet
>the Republicans own it all -- the White House, both
>houses of Congress, the Supreme Court and the majority
>of the governorships. How do you think they've been
>able to pull that off considering they are a minority?
>It's because they eat you and me and every other
>liberal for breakfast and then spend the rest of the
>day wreaking havoc on the planet.
>Look at us -- what a bunch of crybabies. Bush gets a
>bounce after his convention and you would have thought
>the Germans had run through Poland again. The Bushies
>are coming, the Bushies are coming! Yes, they caught
>Kerry asleep on the Swift Boat thing. Yes, they found
>the frequency in Dan Rather and ran with it. Suddenly
>No, it is not. If I hear one more person tell me how
>lousy a candidate Kerry is and how he can't win...
>Dammit, of COURSE he's a lousy candidate -- he's a
>Democrat, for heavens sake! That party is so pathetic,
>they even lose the elections they win! What were you
>expecting, Bruce Springsteen heading up the ticket?
>Bruce would make a helluva president, but guys like
>him don't run -- and neither do you or I. People like
>Kerry run.
>Yes, OF COURSE any of us would have run a better,
>smarter, kick-ass campaign. Of course we would have
>smacked each and every one of those phony swifty boaty
>bastards down. But WE are not running for president --
>Kerry is. So quit complaining and work with what we
>have. Oprah just gave 300 women a... Pontiac! Did you
>see any of them frowning and moaning and screaming,
>"Oh God, NOT a friggin' Pontiac!" Of course not, they
>were happy. The Pontiacs all had four wheels, an
>engine and a gas pedal. You want more than that, well,
>I can't help you. I had a Pontiac once and it lasted a
>good year. And it was a VERY good year.
>My friends, it is time for a reality check.
>1. The polls are wrong. They are all over the map
>like diarrhea. On Friday, one poll had Bush 13 points
>ahead -- and another poll had them both tied. There
>are three reasons why the polls are b.s.: One, they
>are polling "likely voters." "Likely" means those who
>have consistently voted in the past few elections. So
>that cuts out young people who are voting for the
>first time and a ton of non-voters who are definitely
>going to vote in THIS election. Second, they are not
>polling people who use their cell phone as their
>primary phone. Again, that means they are not talking
>to young people. Finally, most of the polls are
>weighted with too many Republicans, as pollster John
>Zogby revealed last week. You are being snookered if
>you believe any of these polls.
>2. Kerry has brought in the Clinton A-team. Instead
>of shunning Clinton (as Gore did), Kerry has decided
>to not make that mistake.
>3. Traveling around the country, as I've been doing,
>I gotta tell ya, there is a hell of a lot of unrest
>out there. Much of it is not being captured by the
>mainstream press. But it is simmering and it is real.
>Do not let those well-produced Bush rallies of angry
>white people scare you. Turn off the TV!(Except Jon
>Stewart and Bill Moyers -- everything else is just a
>sugar-coated lie).
>4. Conventional wisdom says if the election is decided
>on "9/11" (the fear of terrorism), Bush wins. But if
>it is decided on the job we are doing in Iraq, then
>Bush loses. And folks, that "job," you might have
>noticed, has descended into the third level of a hell
>we used to call Vietnam. There is no way out. It is a
>full-blown mess of a quagmire and the body bags will
>sadly only mount higher. Regardless of what Kerry
>meant by his original war vote, he ain't the one who
>sent those kids to their deaths -- and Mr. and Mrs.
>Middle America knows it. Had Bush bothered to show up
>when he was in the "service" he might have somewhat of
>a clue as to how to recognize an immoral war that
>cannot be "won." All he has delivered to Iraq was that
>plasticized turkey last Thanksgiving. It is this
>failure of monumental proportions that is going to
>cook his goose come this November.
>So, do not despair. All is not over. Far from it. The
>Bush people need you to believe that it is over. They
>need you to slump back into your easy chair and feel
>that sick pain in your gut as you contemplate another
>four years of George W. Bush. They need you to wish we
>had a candidate who didn't windsurf and who was just
>as smart as we were when WE knew Bush was lying about
>WMD and Saddam planning 9/11. It's like Karl Rove is
>hypnotizing you -- "Kerry voted for the war...Kerry
>voted for the war...Kerrrrrryyy vooootted fooooor
>theeee warrrrrrrrrr..."
>Yes...Yes...Yesssss....He did! HE DID! No sense in
>fighting now...what I need is
>WAKE UP! The majority are with us! More than half of
>all Americans are pro-choice, want stronger
>environmental laws, are appalled that assault weapons
>are back on the street -- and 54% now believe the war
>Just for me, please? Buck up. The country is almost
>back in our hands. Not another negative word until
>Nov. 3rd! Then you can ***** all you want about how
>you wish Kerry was still that long-haired kid who once
>had the courage to stand up for something. Personally,
>I think that kid is still inside him. Instead of the
>wailing and gnashing of your teeth, why not hold out a
>hand to him and help the inner soldier/protester come
>out and defeat the forces of evil we now so
>desperately face. Do we have any
>other choice?
>Michael Moore

If this is old, I don't give a ****.

3,571 Posts
lmao, he said they're a minority, when he doesn't say that half the country is not registered/independent

1,366 Posts
I seriously doubt that was Michael Moore. Moore doesn't come off as so serious, usually, until the very end of the writing. This writer has no sense of humor. But it seems like the writer got people to think he was. Maybe I might write Dubbyah's next e-speach to the internet. Seems like it works.

But then, if he types anything like he talks, I'll have to throw in the occasional typo. Not a problem.
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