A blonde, brunette, and a redhead went to the edge of a cliff to commit suicide. The redhead said "When i jump off this cliff i want to land in gold." She jumped, and landed in gold. The brunette said "when i jump off this cliff i want to land in pearls." She jumped and landed in pearls. It was the Blondes turn and she said "When i jump off this cliff i want to land in...." she tripped "CRAP!" and fell of the cliff....
One time an old woman wanted to kill herself, so she went to the doctor and asked how. The doctor said "just shoot yourself in you heart". The old woman asked where her heart was. The doctor said right below your left breast...So she goes home and shoots herself, and comes back the next day and says "I tried shooting myself, but it turned out, my heart isn't in my knee".
This thread is pointless because any dumbass can look up jokes on the internet and post them and be funny. Real humor is if you can make your friends laugh not with a joke but like you know, being funny. It's kinda hard to explain.
Theres a plane crash out in the pacific, and only 2 men survive. They are both lawyers, so they figure that theyd get out eventually, and they pass the days by climbing coconut trees and dropping them to eat.
So one day Lawyer Bob climbs the tree and out on the shore he sees a body floating in the water. He immediately tells Lawyer Mark, and they both rush down and swim out in the water and grab the body and bring it to shore.
They find out it is a beautiful young woman, and that she is still breathing, but unconscious. They try to wake her up, but to no avail. They dont know what to do with her..So theyre just thinking about what to do. After a while Lawyer Mark says, "well uh...so do you wanna screw her?" and Lawyer Bob says, "Out of what?"