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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So here's the situation.

Me and my girl are going through really rough times, to the point I can barely call her my girl. Here's the back ground.

We met when I came back to Virginia last November, from the moment I was blessed to lay eyes on her I knew there was something special about her(Even throughout the relationship I was in at the time). We slowly, very slowly, got to know each other and didn't really start talking until around June when I realized I no longer loved my ex gf and ended the relationship.

We talked up until around October when I finally grew some balls to ask her out, in which she told me she had started dating some other guy because she got tired of waiting for me to ask her out.

Naturally that was the biggest blow I've ever had to my heart, but I listened to it and it told me to stick around so naturally I did.

One Monday I woke up and felt just a little bit too good for my situation, I come home from school only for her to call me and tell me that her and him broke up.

Naturally I was happy as a kid in a candy store. We hit it off again, and two days before my birthday(The 5th of November) we were talking, inwhich she asks me"So what do you want for your birthday?" I replied simply"Nothing you could buy me, all I want is you".

Naturally we started dating, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was truly living, this wasn't just an ordinary relationship. We are truly perfect for each other. We have the same outlook on life, felt the same for each other, had big plans for our futures and wanted our relationship to be successful.

There were road bumps, but she opened up to me and I learned about her addiction to pills, her depression, and that she occasionally cuts her self.

Naturally I told her that I am here for her and all she needs to do is call me when she gets down, but her being who she is was scared to actually need me to be there. I say who she is because she has never been with a guy who was there for her, so she is scared to expect me to be there for her because she didn't want me to be there and I not be there. We talked about it and how she has been to the best help she could get, only to no avail. Psychiatrists, doctors, psychologists, nothing. I told her all she needs is me, to which she shrugged off for the reasons above.

One weekend she seemed a little distant so I asked her what was up, in which she told me that me and her need to take a pause because she has some stuff she needs to handle that she can't tell me only that she loves me and that we will be back together. Well I thought my low previously could get no lower, boy was I wrong.

That day was a month ago from tomorrow or today(That time in my life was really rocky) but it feels like it was a lifetime and then some ago.

I've spent most of it trying to figure out the problems, in which I figured out that it is pretty much she needs to fix her problems with her family before she can worry about loving someone. Her problem is pretty much so much **** has happened to her family(Her baby brother dieing in her arms) that she is scared to love them in fear that she will loose them.

Naturally I've just been figuring out what the hell to do. I've joined the football team, started hanging out with friends I used to not hang out with. All just to get her off my mind. In doing so I've pretty much pushed her away to the point that we barely talk anymore and she is not sure anymore if I am the guy for her.

Now that you're caught up here is what I need. How do I show her that she can depend on me and that I truly can help her get through her depression and addiction when we barely talk any more and prove to her that I truly am the guy for her? I know she is the girl for me, she is everything I have wanted in a girl both looks and personality wise. I know this is the time of the year for miracles, and that is exactly what I need.
 

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Michael
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she told me that me and her need to take a pause because she has some stuff she needs to handle that she can't tell me only that she loves me and that we will be back together.
I hate to say it, but at that point...it was taken out of your hands. She wants to handle whatever is eating at her by herself. You have to trust her now. Be there for her, but don't get in her way if she's working through some things by herself.
 

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Just look around man. Not to sound too harsh here, but you're just a kid. Sure you might be in love, but there will always be another girl to fall in love with. Before you start saying I'm wrong, I'm in deep myself. I've pretty much proposed to my girlfriend that I want to marry her. (No right, just have brought it up from time to time) and I've got a pretty good feeling we will end up doing so. But I also keep the rational and sane thought in my head, that **** can happen. I can't let my guard down. I've been "In love" before with different girls and it sucks, but you move on. Sometimes it takes a very long time but you eventually pull yourself through and meet someone else. The girl I was "in love with" I had been obsessed with her for like 2 and a half years. But when I met Jess I forgot about the ***** pretty quick and was able to move on.

I'm just saying, you haven't even started your life. You're still young, you need to just enjoy yourself. This girl just sounds like an emotional train wreck that is never going to make it's next stop. She sounds like she's going to have major commitment issues and sounds like she really needs to seek professional help. Especially with the cutting and "afraid to love someone" deal. One of my ex's cut, and it was a lot to deal with. I just got fed up with seeing her break down and cry for no reason, not wanting to talk about it and **** like that. You may love someone, but **** gets old fast, especially if they don't acknowledge or try and let you help.

Like I said man, you've got your whole life ahead of you. You don't have to settle down right now. I feel like that's kind of what I'm doing, but hey, that's my choice. I know that I'm always happy with my girlfriend and have absolutely no reason to break it off whatsoever. If we make it through college I'm making her my wife fo sho.

Regardless, best of luck with whatever you do. Hey maybe she'll still be horny and you can still hit it. Although if you're trying to get over her and forget about her, I would NOT recommend this haha.
 

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Discussion Starter #4 (Edited)
It's gotten to the point to where doing that has pretty much pushed us away from each other almost to where there is no hope for us, that is unacceptable. She has confided in me a couple of times since then, to which all I did was listen and never had time to do anything. But just me listening caused her to take a complete 180 degree turn and completely curbed her depressed state.

I've tried moving on with my life, knowing she will call me when she needs me, giving her space, etc etc. All that did was make the matters worse. We need to stop pushing away from each other and start pulling together.


EDIT(POSTED BEFORE I SAW WHAT YOU WROTE leet):

I know I'm young, believe me. I've been through more than most kids my age, and it has truly taught me a lot both in life and love. I've lived outta my parents house ,had to get a job to provide, I've loved many times in my life, and learned loads from that. I feel that it has pretty much brung me up to this point, to test that I have truly learned what I've learned. She has a lot going on in her life, but i am willing to be there for her to be there with her. I know there will probably be some other girl that I could easily fall in love with, but I can honestly say that they will never hold a tee to her. When I say she is the perfect girl for me, I truly mean that. Every thing about her, not what she does, but who she is is perfect.
 

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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. 97% of the time when a girl say's she wants to take a break... it could be a number of things.

1) She wants to be a whore and go **** some guys
2) There's somebody else
3) She likes somebody else, but she also likes you still and wants to dip her ink in both and decide which one she likes
4) She's turning into a lesbian
5) You ****ed up and she's pissed and wants to get back at you
6) She's a whore
 

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Discussion Starter #7
She's been Bi all her life.
 

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suck it up an take it like a man; I'm not gonna sugar coat it. I've been through a rough breakup and let me tell ya, I wasn't sure I would make it some days in that entire thing. I turned out just fine after time, we're even friends again.

anyhow, you're still in highschool and have so much more to do that get wrapped around a girl at that time in your life. this is the time to built life-long friendships, not subject yourself to a single person that your entire emotions and feeling ride on.

oh and one more thing. Listening to your heart only gets you further into problems. Somewhere inside, there's a voice of reason and common sense; listen to that instead.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
That voice of rhyme and reason has always been my heart, and I've only been hurt when not listening to it. I know I sound like a little love struck immature teenager, but it goes deeper than just that. I've been through a lot in my life, am going through a lot, and have learned loads from it all and have matured a long the way. I am listening to the one thing that has never led me wrong in the past, I just don't know how to go about doing it.
 

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Some good and some terrible advice in this thread.

In the end, you can't have her depend on you. You gotta live your life. You can't be the one to "save her" from her problems. You can be there to support her, but her issues are hers to deal with. Depending on you will only create a dysfunctional, dependent relationship that won't last.

Remind her that you're there for her, but she has to face her demons on her own. She, like many others, puts up emotional walls to protect herself. You can try to climb and tear them down all you want, but in the end it's her that has to bring them down.

Don't dwell too much on it. No matter what anyone tells you about you being so young, to get over it, it doesn't matter. You're gonna follow your heart. Your heart tells her that she's great, and you'll follow your heart no matter how much advice to the opposite that you hear. You'll find out on your own whether it's right. Whether you guys are to be together or not, she has to put her demons to rest by herself. You can only be the support, fixing those things has to come from within herself.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Some good and some terrible advice in this thread.

In the end, you can't have her depend on you. You gotta live your life. You can't be the one to "save her" from her problems. You can be there to support her, but her issues are hers to deal with. Depending on you will only create a dysfunctional, dependent relationship that won't last.

Remind her that you're there for her, but she has to face her demons on her own. She, like many others, puts up emotional walls to protect herself. You can try to climb and tear them down all you want, but in the end it's her that has to bring them down.

Don't dwell too much on it. No matter what anyone tells you about you being so young, to get over it, it doesn't matter. You're gonna follow your heart. Your heart tells her that she's great, and you'll follow your heart no matter how much advice to the opposite that you hear. You'll find out on your own whether it's right. Whether you guys are to be together or not, she has to put her demons to rest by herself. You can only be the support, fixing those things has to come from within herself.
Your right. The word dependent wasn't the word of choice, I meant more or less I want her to be able count on me when she needs someone there for her instead of turning to the pills etc. She has started to do that and all I can do is live my life till it's all behind her.

What I need is a way to keep us from just downright pushing each other away for good, which is where we are heading. Do I just sit her down and explain things? I am tired of ****ing this up, and am ready to do it right for once.
 

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I would consider that you want nothing except for her to get through her issues and be a healthier, better person.

That can mean that being with you isn't the right thing. Hard as it is, maybe she needs space from you. You guys have a history, and even if your intentions are good, it doesn't mean it will work out. That's just how it is. By giving her space, that doesn't mean you're pushing her away. Having space may be the thing that makes theconnection between you two stronger in the long run.

Trust me, I know it's hard to give someone space when all you want to do is be there for them. You want to guide them through, help them deal with everything. From what you've said, it sounds like she needs to work some things out on her own. You can be there for her, but you shouldn't HAVE to be there for her. You have to be someone who is "there if she needs you", not simply there. It's tough, but maybe you need to back off, live your life, and let her sort her issues out. If she reaches out, then you can help, but if not, stay away.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Yeah that's my mind set, but how do I let HER know that is what my mind set is? Because right now she sees me as someone who wants nothing but to be with her here and now. Hoping this space will make us stronger is the reason why I first started the space in the first place.
 

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Write a letter to her explaining exactly that.

You don't have to send her the letter, but it will help you formulate in your own mind why you feel the way you do, and how you would explain that to her. Once you write the letter to her, either send the letter, or talk to her and explain what you laid out in the letter.

She may appreciate and accept your actions, or not. That's something you can't control, but writing out your thoughts beforehand will at least help you explain your position as truly as you feel them.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Yeah I think out most everything I do, and what I haven't thought out between me and her has ended in disaster. I plan on doing this one in person, all the other times we have talked have been over the phone or through text messages(Worst way to talk to someone seriously).
 

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Discussion Starter #19
She normally appreciates it when I come forth on my mistakes towards her, I've had to do it in the past.
 

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Sounds like the relationship with me and my ex. That **** went bad. We broke up because she wouldn't stop hurting herself. She cared less about herself than I did.

Moral of the story, as horny as ****ed up girls are; they're still ****ed up. This leads to drama and way more worrying than one man can handle. If she cares about you, she wouldn't make you worry. Break it off, if she comes clean, hit that like the dirty, horny, dick-loving whore she probably is.
 
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